This is not an ordinary review but then again last Friday was not an ordinary day. I had my plans and they were watertight. I would head to London for work and then come back in time to jog across the road from Piccadilly Station to the Star and Garter for Conjurer. What could go wrong? Well I hadn’t banked on someone going walkabout on the tracks by Wembley. So when I arrived at London Euston to get the train that would get me in just in time for Armed for the Apocalypse, I discovered the station was closed and there was no trains North. So I joined a queue (I’m British, it’s what we do). Come seven thirty, I am still in that queue but there is light at the end of the tunnel as we are being told that there is potentially a train heading to Manchester at eight, if it does get stuck that would still get me back in time for a proportion of Conjurer’s set. In Manchester Armed for the Apocalypse have hit the stage and are (apparently) loud and unrepentant, or at least, that is what I am told. ROCKFLESH’s illustrious leader is there taking photos and keeping me informed. He sadly is less of a Black Metal kid than I am and therefore finds Armed for the Apocalypse hard going. However from the bit I see on Facebook live, they are caustic, harsh and meticulously down tuned. This is old Skool Black Metal and even though I watch snippets of them from a queue that I am beginning to see as home, I rather enjoy them.

Come half past eight, Euston is looking like that scene from Amargeddon when everyone is trying to flee the oncoming disaster. I however have made it on to a train, as though as everyone else trying to get back to Manchester. It is cheek to jowl standing room only and we haven’t left London yet. In Manchester, Earth Moves have hit the stage and even our Johann is impressed. “This is highly atmospheric and spine tingling” is the texts I get from up north and once he manages to Facebook in, I realise that he is not wrong. This is post black metal; sprawling, ethereal and full of dark portent. I am transfixed, even though I am in an over packed carriage hundreds of miles away. As we finally set off I get to witness the whole of final track ‘Pia Mater’ and it is stunning. It slows and slows until the riffs are moving at glacial speed, then Jordan Hills screams his lungs out. He doesn’t use the mic, he just howls into the ether. Then the music lower and lowers in volume until there is nothing. As said I am hundreds of miles away but god, this is stunning. The crowd is going mental, loving every minute of it and then the connection goes, I am plunged once again into my grossly over-crowded pendolino.

Come Conjurer’s start time of nine thirty, it is obvious that I ain’t going to make any of the set. To be honest at this point it is unlikely I will be back in Manchester before midnight. The signal keeps cutting in and out and is sluggish to start with (probably caused by a sardine tin of passengers trying to give their apologises for being late). I therefore get only snatches of the Facebook live. However what I do get are increasingly excited texts from a highly impressed Johann. “My god, they are good” he enthuses “They just don’t stop but there is so much here, so much more than just Black Metal”. I know how good Conjurer can be and I have to content myself with closing my eyes and recalling previous encounters with them and imagine their intoxicating brew of doom and black metal washing over me. I know what an intensely professional band they are for those so young and I know how much power they pack into their riffs. We try Facebook live again, but it is a lost cause and I go back to my imagination. We are stationary at Lichfield Trent Valley (bringing back memories of Bloodstock’s past) when I get the text stating that they have finished. Johann follows this with the additional line of “boy did they kick arse”, which is high praise indeed from a non-black metal loving French man. As for me, I grumble and close my eyes to dream of the next time, Conjurer and I meet.

NB – Stewart Lucas never made it home