2024 Worst ALBUMS

This was meant to be there return to rock. What they have done is do bad cover versions of themselves as well as the usual inconceivable Springsteen impersonations. ‘Living Proof’ tries to be ‘Living On A Prayer’, ‘Waves’ tries to be ‘Always’. ‘Walls of Jericho’ is an atrocious attempt at modern Springsteen and ‘Kiss The Bride was written for Jon bon Jovi’s son’s marriage to Millie Bobby Brown, need I say more.

Sebastian Bach has always been an odd ball, this is a bizarre record even by his standards. It is all over the shop and there is no discernible structure. It is just a jumbled collection of songs that doesn’t in any way feel like an album. Mindbogglingly unilinear.

This dreadful collaboration has been all but been forgotten in all the clamour about next year’s Oasis reunion. On paper Liam’s dulcet tones accompanying one of the greatest guitarists ever should be divine but they struggle to bring the stardust of either of the illustrious day jobs. I’m listening to it now and even I have forgotten how the songs go. Gloriously unrecallable.

The re-emergence of Nu-metal is not only uncalled for but also a direct convention of numerous rulings by the United Nations. This is an album that wants to have been released twenty years ago. Its completely out of its time and feels both dated and unconvincing.

Authentic minimal scandia folk from the Dutch singer and composer. It feels very worthy but is incredibly boring. The aural equivalent of watching paint dry.

Yawn. Shinny happy and vacuous. Horrible band that have been making horrible safe rock for ever, Another completely bankrupt release that adds nothing to the world.

STOP MAKING RECORDS. You weren’t very good in the nineties/early noughties, and you have only got worse. This is safety catch on punk with nothing to say apart from the desire to carry on being famous.

Sadly not the German auteurs The Ocean, Oceans are a completely useless cross of nu-metal and old school death metal. Metal is not by any means the usual put down of directionless noise but this is giving the whole scene a bad name. It wants to be brutal but actually is as dangerous as a Teletubby.

I like experimental. I like awkward. I like avant-garde. But this is just unlistenable slap dash bullshit. It has no creative flair. Its just a lot of disjointed plinky plonky nonsense and sounds tossed together without a second thought.

Their last record was great, but this feels like they are resting on their laurels big time. It is very very “Will this do?”. Sloppy and just plain uninteresting, it screams of contractual obligations.

Where has the urgency gone? The danger? The jagged excitement. This is so so mundane. It feels like nobody playing on the record actually wants to be there and interestingly the rest of the band did indeed walk out on singer and guitarist Tobias Young as soon as this was recorded. It is lacking in any pizzaz or sense of occasion.

You all know the story of Anvil. I would love to say that album is a spectacular return to form that justifies there unfeasibly long lifespan. But sadly, record number twenty is a horrific egotistically mess that appeals to no one. It is trying to be metal but instead feels rushed and redundant. It tries so hard to be fun and instead feels cringe worthy and cheap. This is now sadly a worthless vanity project.

God save me from bands that think metalcore is just about contrasts. Get a guy that can do growls and get a geezer that can clean and suddenly you think you are doing something cutting age. What Vicious Rain have forgotten is that it needs songs. This album is a mess. Unstructured and lacking in any creative integrity.

More metalcore by numbers, this time from Germany. So so formulaic. It is like they have blindly followed an idiots guide to metalcore. It’s got the shouted verses and the immaculately clean verses and the chugging guitars that actually feel empty and vacuous. It’s a cheap knock off imitation of Killswitch Engage and fails in having anything creative or exciting to bring to the party.

She is meant to be quirky. This is Barbiecore. A joke taken far to far and removed of all its humour. It is brainless pop tethered to nu-metal and it sounds like the shunt job that it is. It also lacks any discernible charisma. If it is all one big joke then it has forgotten the funny bits and very soon descends into bland tedium.

Unbelievably safe. It is like someone has taken rock and put those Ikea corner protectors for toddlers all over it. Every single bit that could be considered dangerous has had protective wrapping stuffed over it. What you are left with is a horrific sanitised mess that is meant to appeal to pre-teens that might have heard what metal is all about.

I am not hating on the new bands because I’m old. I’m hating on them because the stuff they are producing is so thin and musically un-nourishing. Ghostkid seem to believe all you need to do “alt-metal” is scream over some blinky blink sounds. It is creatively bankrupt and feels so under-developed. Oh, look Im growling over a breakdown and then tenderly clean singing, I’m really edgy, Not. There really is no need.

Pop punk from Blackpool. Its problem is that it is trying to be clever, which does not become pop punk. It is meant to be a mindless adrenaline exposition. This album tries to bring intellect to that concoction and fails miserably. Its like a poundshop Blink 182 trying to do Deftones covers. Horrible and completely unnecessary.

My love of metal comes from its emotive passion. I adore the fact that it brims with life, it makes me feel and ignites my senses. This however is boredom incarnate. Nothing happens, at all. It limbs along with sub standard mediocre songs and then stops. It is not that it is bad, it is just really really boring.

Thom Yorke has stated on numerous occasions that he isn’t sure he wants to reconnect with his gloom rock mothership Radiohead. Hearing the latest tosh from his latest side-tracking side project I would implore him to realise that slight and introspective doesn’t genius making if there isn’t the songwriting to back it up. Everything is horrendously sterile and there isn’t a single song that ever goes anywhere. Woeful.

I don’t rate nepotistic metallers Raven Age much. They have very little going for them aside from a genetic lineage to Iron Maiden. So, a band made up of their ex-members is not destined to fare well. However, even I wasn’t prepared for how bad this album is. It is stale and personality less. It lacks any definition and feels devoid of identifiable creativity. Startling in just how appalling it is.

Another band of dissidents from a better known outfit. Kill The Lights is the answer to what Valentine Thomas did when ousted from Bullet For My Valentine. It transpires that it involves penning tracks so mediocre that even the Welsh stabiliser rockers would have rejected them as light weight.

The space ace was always my favourite of KISS cartoon characters. After all, he levitated and launched fireworks from his guitar. What wasn’t there to love? His relationship with the authoritarian dictatorship that was Gene and Paul was rocky to say the least. He left then rejoined the face painted reunion then left again. Then mister Simmons saw another cold faced business opportunity and bought his name and greased point adorned likeness meaning that anyone who Gene summoned could play Ace. So, on the strength of his former position in the hottest band in the world he has continued to scratch a living, however this album is bad, toe curdling bad. It is s slab dash affair with little thought applied to the songwriting. A sad state of affairs for a once great man.

I love Mr. Big. In the autumn days of my love affair with eighties rock they were my constant companion. “Lean Into It” had squatters rights on my personal stereo. Put simply, I was obsessed and I can still recite the lyrics to ‘Green-Tinted Sixties Mind’ like some form of pray. In the intervening years my musical carnal needs have been satisfied in other back alleys but I have always ensured I checked in with my past love. However, this is dreadful. It is a hazy ill-conceived echo of a once great band. The songwriting is lazy and derivative, and it screams creative bankruptcy. Every song is a empty vessel lacking in structure or emotional resonance. Most of all it hurts. It hurts to see a band I once held in such high esteem reduced to such irreverent drivel.