Posts in 2022 Close But No Cigars
Arch Enemy - "Deceivers"

They keep on coming. I love Arch Enemy as much as I do Amorphis. But being straight, I just can’t bond with “Deceivers”. What has always been Arch Enemy’s strongest selling point has been that combination of aggression with commerciality. Here it sounds like the latter has taken the dominant role and that all-important oomph is missing.

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Behemoth - "Opvs Contra Natvram"

And yet another of my big metallic loves that have, for once, failed to crack the hallowed hundred. I really don’t know what happened here. I gave the album three listens in a row hoping that its satanic glory would reveal itself to me, but I remained unmoved and unconvinced. It’s not awful and it’s certainly Behemoth, but it fails to effectively leave orbit and is ultimately rather forgettable

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Strigoi - "Viscera"

Jesus! Paradise Lost guitarist Gregor Mackintosh gets itchy feet easily. No sooner has he put Vallenfyre out to pasture has he gone and formed another side project to keep him occupied whilst our Nick is off doing Bloodbath. This time he has gone down the Black Metal rabbit hole. Perfectly functional but probably a little pedestrian.

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Scorpions - "Rock Believer"

Probably more than any other band on this list I love the Scorpions. They have always been the unfashionable face of metal but I adore their cartoon-like take on heavy record. There was always a lot more tongue-in-cheek bravado going on than people actually realized (Germans having a sense of humor, shock and horror) and it is that sense of fun that I have always adored. But this is just run of the mill “will this do”, Scorpions. The sense of fun feels oddly synthetic, almost like they are trying too hard.

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Sabaton - "The War to End All Wars"

Sabaton are the one power metal band that these fair isles have taken to their collective bosom. Their rise to arena-bothering status has been as stunning as it has been meteoric. This is the second of their first world war-themed records and sadly it is not a patch on 2019’s “Great War”. It still skilfully manages to be chest beatingly anthemic while it is respectful to its subject matter. But this time around it just doesn’t land as well and ultimately it feels rather underdone and disappointing.

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Ozzy Osbourne - "Patient Number 9"

Ozzy has made a career out of “last albums”. This is probably Ozzy’s fifth or sixth final release and each time he seemingly finds himself stumbling into the studio again. The problem here is quality control. There are some BRILLIANT numbers (specifically the ones where he has been once more reunited with Tony Iommi) BUT there are also utter duds that scream “Filler Filler Chicken Dinner1”. Ultimately this means it languishes here in the also runs.

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Slipknot - "The End, So Far"

Let’s end with probably the most surprising and potentially most controversial albums not to make it into the top one hundred. New Slipknot albums should be moments of celebration. They have (in the main, The Gray Chapter, I am looking at you) moved the bands sound on. Here they have sadly ended up down a musical cul-de-sac. It just lacks the furiousity and the ugliness that makes Slipknot, Slipknot. It feels like they are trying to capture the essence of the first record but without the hunger. It sadly sounds like nine middle-aged millionaires going through the motions. Really disappointing.

And that is the notable also-rans. The main list starts probably this Saturday. Be ready….

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