It’s a cold and rainy Liverpool tonight, yet the O2 Liverpool Academy is rammed. This is good but not good, the place is steamimg and so are my glasses.

I wipe them just as Massive Wagons hit the stage. Wagons are a band who have slogged their arses off on the pub and club circuit for the last dozen years or so, and it’s been amazing to see them transform from a fairly average pub covers band to the new Britrock powerhouse that they have now become. This tour with The Darkness is yet another rung on their ladder to success – they are here as a last-minute replacement for Steve Harris’s British Lion who pulled out for unspecified reasons that appeared to involve covid precautions. Yes, THAT Steve Harris. Oh well, his loss is Wagons’ gain as they enthral yet another capacity crowd with their bouncy brand of brash rock n roll. They do of course have an absolute diamond in the shape of frontman Baz Mills. This is a man who knows how to work an audience, and it takes him no time at all to get the crowd onside and grooving along. The setlist tonight is obviously shorter than if they were headlining, and draws heavily on their more recent output rather than their more “classic” back catalogue. It also showcases their harder, heavy edge and I can’t help wondering if this is a deliberate ploy to contrast their playing with The Darkness as overall the two bands are quite similar in style. They start the set with the lockdown anthem ‘In It Together’, run through several songs including a cracking version of “Banging In Your Stereo” that incorporates a medley of ‘I Fought The Law’ and Cheap Trick’s ‘Surrender’, and finish with the ebullient tribute to the late Rick Parfitt that is ‘Back To The Stack’. It was frenzied, it was fun, it was the perfect warm-up and I can’t help thinking that it won’t be long now until Massive Wagons are comfortably headlining venues of this size by themselves.

It’s also pantomime season in Liverpool. Oh yes it is! It’s the season when men in bizarre cheap polyester clothes and bad wigs lurk in backstage alleyways, and there is always a villain and some other well-known characters as well. Enter The Darkness, stage left, and probably behind you. They also enter to the sound o bagpipes for the intro to first song “Welcome Tae Glasgae”, which is a little mindblowing. It’s even more head-exploding to discover the next day that said bagpipes were actually a sample from an ABBA song. No, really! Go and check it out, The Darkness came on stage to the title track from ABBA’s 1976 album ‘Arrival’. It’s been borrowed by several others over the years including esteemed musician’s musician Mike Oldfield, but somehow it seems entirely fitting that if The Darkness are going to borrow music from anywhere it would be the kings and queens of satin jumpsuits. Justin Hawkins’ shirt lasts less than a song and he is upfront in all his bare-chested glory as usual. This evening’s set is much more of a greatest-hits-with-some-off-the-new-album affair than last time, which is a relief. Because if there’s one thing The Darkness do well it’s perform their own songs. I have to admit to not being a massive fan of their recorded output, but I wouldn’t give up the chance to go and see them live because they have the art of entertainment down to a T. The sound is pin-sharp, the lights are pure vaudeville and the whole experience is as much showbiz as Rock. The songs we heard on the radio are played, and the ones from the new album slot neatly in beside them. I note that one of them sounds a little Motorhead-y, and am unsurprised to learn that it’s the title track from the new album Motorheart.

I am stunned as always at how quiet, unassuming Dan Hawkins (who I have definitely designated as Principal Boy) comes alive with his playing and trades licks with a speed and ferocity that takes my breath away. I’m amused that tall dark bass player Frankie Poullain (who even has a very pantomime-villainous twirly moustache) occasionally stops playing bass in order to add extra cowbell, because you can never have enough cowbell. Ever. I’m confused by the occasional appearance of a random bloke from backstage wielding an acoustic guitar, who I guess must be the Hero but is actually Guitar Tech Ian grasping his 15 minutes of fame. I’m happy that Rufus “Tiger” Taylor, although he has the hair to be a Damsel In Distress, appears to actually be perfectly undistressed pounding away at the back. To complete the panto references of course we have Dame Justin Hawkins up front. The man in the terrible clothes who steals the spotlight and the show. He does headstands on the drum riser, he sings notes that only dogs can hear, he wields sarcasm like a lethal weapon but he does it all with a sly smile and a wink, and you know that actually it’s all going to be OK. The hits get played, and we sing along and dance and play air-guitar. Because that’s what this is all about really – the chance to leave the mundane behind and escape into a world of Christmas jumpers, loud guitars and taking the piss out of the whole room, including themselves. They finish with the song with one of the best double entendres ever to hit the mainstream pop charts (Bells End. Snigger) and we sing along I look around me and all I see is smiling faces. And that’s why I still come to see The Darkness, even though I always say I don’t like them much. Because the music might be cliched but it’s performed brilliantly and I always leave with a grin and a warm fuzzy feeling inside. Outside it’s still raining, but somehow it matters less now because The Darkness have banished the darkness from my life in a way that few other bands can.