It is a cliché but there is still a bizarre oxymoron that Metal is a corrosive and confrontational style of music, yet the people it attracts are amongst the kindest, most generous souls that you will find. It is like the music, channels our aggression and abrasion, leaving us inside with a good nature and caring mentality. This year Mental Health Awareness week is all about kindness and being kind. But what does that actually mean? As Forky would ask (go watch Disney +) “What is kindness?”. The formal definition is “the quality of being friendly, generous, and considerate”. In terms of mental health, the most important element here is consideration. You see, 40% of what happens to us we can control and 60% we can’t. But that 60% still has the same effect on us. All the actions and reactions happening around us affect us in how we feel. This includes the deeds of other people and what they say.

I had (via Zoom) a very deep (and drunken) conversation about free speech on Saturday night with some dear friends and I would agree completely with their craft beer (and in one case white Russian) fuelled assertions that they had the right to hold the opinions that they do and to freely express those views. What is consideration? It is being aware of how your proclamations and your freedom to say what you like is perceived and how it makes other people feel. Freedom of speech is sacrosanct, but it comes with a duty, that is to be considerate of how your words affect others; the act of being kind.

The old adage that sticks and stones can break my bones but words will never hurt me, is wrong. Words do hurt. They wound, they dig in and they gnaw at the very essence of your being. A couple of years back I made the statement in a review that when played live in its entirety Def Leppard’s “Hysteria” did not quite work. All the hits are on side one (it’s basically the best of Def Leppard). The casual fan whom is there to scream along to 'When Love and Hate Collide’ became noticeably distracted and bored during side two. The reaction to my review was a disproportionate backlash. It was as if I had questioned the chastity of every Def Leppard fan’s mother! Now, I completely uphold the right of everyone who disagreed with my assessment of the evening to express their dissent. However it was the bilious, venomous and barbed manner in which it was done that really hurt. There was no consideration towards my feelings, there was no kindness.

Now I am not in any way suggesting that we tread on eggshells, afraid of challenging or contradicting anyone for fear that they will be offended. I am though, asking that we should all be aware of our language and tone. It is possible to disagree without being nasty. It is possible to put forward a counter-argument without resorting to personal slurs or defamation. What we have no control over is how our words land and how they are absorbed. Many people have the protective armour of resilience, insults and insinuations just bounce off. But there are those where that protection has been worn down by many factors, the words and slights penetrate. You may think that your one malicious comment is funny, inconsequential and harmless, but unbeknown to you it might be the one of many that becomes a tidal wave that subsumes the recipient.

This is why kindness is at the heart of mental health awareness week this year. Being kind and showing kindness is not only good for other people’s mental health, it is also good for your own. Stealing from a meme ‘Kindness is loaning someone your strength instead of reminding them of their weakness’.  Building people up as opposed to knocking them down may sometimes be harder but believe me in the end, it’s better for your soul.